Out of the Comfort Zone

I hate that my head’s in the shit. Need to get it cleared with a good book to read or a project to work on, to get me through this coming tough week until the weekend comes again.

And a reminder to myself that no relationship can truly be permanent. And that no man OR woman is fully trustworthy in a relationship.

I wonder how I managed to keep my sanity intact with the madness going around of late.

The dust has somewhat settled down and I had willingly allowed myself to be embroiled in such a situation. And yet my mind can’t help but to gallop to the far ends of the universe, thinking, wondering, worrying.

It’s almost daily, although not directly. And yet it’s not enough, at least for me. Am I getting too serious with this or just the old clingy me refusing to let go of the feelings that come with it?

I need to find something to do before this drives me insane, and maybe more to come end-March. Will I live through April?

The blood that coarses through my body yearns so strongly for it. Is it but for this fleeting moment that it will pulse with such strength, or will it disappear with the sands of time?

I’m such a mixed pot of feelings. A bit happy, a bit sad, a bit suspicious, a bit tired, a bit mad.

Abnormal, and crazy.

It has been the most unnerving 2 weeks and most unsettling Chinese New Year weekend for me ever. Mind was swirling and reeling (and still at it) at the chain of events that tornadoed through.

It was an emotional rollercoaster (at times I hate myself for being a woman) and it almost felt my mind wasn’t able to make it through the thick fog. There was no light, no direction. My internal being was travelling in endless circles.

Finally the dust has settled a bit and I can finally look back properly at the trail of damage left behind, and anticipating what is to come.

The road ahead ain’t that pretty.

Today I will attempt to detach my mind from me and look at things from a third party perspective, taking stock of things lost, gained and what to obtain next.

Damn. I hope by end of this month and March I do not turn into an absolute wreck.